Here’s What Happened
Liz and Adam got married. I went to New Orleans. Work is nuts (in a good way? But not really. And yet I am still that unemployed girl from 2008 who feels grateful to just have a job so there we are- stress intertwined with guilt). Book No. 2 has stalled and it’s making me grind my teeth. The problem with being accountable for yourself is that when things start to go off the rails, there is only one person to blame. Hi, hello.
Last night I went to the gym and ran at full speed (my full speed is the average runner’s jog by the way. Me: I’m flying. Machine: You’re really not.) because I needed it. It felt really, really good which is unusual because unlike 3/4ths of my family, I find almost no pleasure in exercise. I find it dull and the only way for it to not be dull, it seems, is for you to physically push yourself to places of extreme exhaustion and mental hardship and then be proud that you survived? I can’t even write that sentence with any conviction. I much prefer a 5 mile walk in a beautiful place to a 2 mile run during which my heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. A 5 mile walk where there is a promise of cheese at the end. And yet last night I wanted to run so I ran.
The wedding was a lot of fun, with so many people I love in one place that I was constantly overwhelmed, and emotional on a number of levels- it’s never not going to be emotional when someone you love like a sister takes a step like that. It might even be more emotional because this is a person you have chosen (in a long friendship, you choose multiple times too) to love like a sister, which means your presence at that moment in time feels even more like a weird, random gift. I wasn’t expecting the fall out after the wedding but, in typical fashion, my mother was. She called me on Tuesday afterwards and asked me if I was all right. I oddly wasn’t, though the melancholy wasn’t something I could put my finger on. She said, “Sometimes you feel sad after something like this is over. Let down but you don’t really know why.”
If ever you wondered why my new book is about a family of highly intuitive females…
New Orleans was… perfect. Kate is unlike my other friends in that she and I are exactly alike in ways that I do not share with my other pals. I am much quieter with her than I am with others and, god, it’s so nice. Some people just make you feel so peaceful. The whole weekend was chock full of things I wanted to do, in a place where I wanted to be and with someone whose company I had deeply missed over the last two years since I’d seen her. I came home and instead of feeling tired, I felt very still inside. If anyone is thinking of taking a spa vacation, they should go visit a quiet, lovely friend instead. And they should go to a place where the food is so good, they’ll make themselves sick trying to eat it all. Not that I did that or anything.
The new blog is humming, with a few minor hiccups. Tastespotting keeps rejecting our submissions for some reason and I still can’t determine if my Food/Fiction idea was a smart one or one of those ideas that sound really good but in practice just doesn’t work. We’ll see. The posts are super fun to write, which is an excellent start. Also, Nicole and I made this dessert yesterday during lunch? Sweet Jesus on a cracker it was delicious. Dorie knows what she’s doing, you guys.
I have no good ending to this post.